Check Your Morals at the Door

A few weeks ago I visited our nation’s capital.  While waiting to enter the halls of Congress I overheard a conversation between a new congressman and a doorkeeper.  What I learned is those entering the halls of Congress must check their morals at the door. 

Doorkeeper:  Welcome Congressman, please check all morals and virtues here with us before entering these hallowed halls.

Congressman:  Why would I do that?

Doorkeeper:  Don’t be silly this is a corrupt institution.  There is no place for morals and virtues here.

Congressman:  What do you mean it’s corrupt?  I thought the Senate was the most deliberative, most revered institution in the world. 

Doorkeeper:  Too funny!  Son, that’s not how it works here.  You see morals to congressmen are like crucifixes to vampires.  Morals will be the end of your political career, just like crucifixes are deadly to vampires.  If you have any morals in these halls you will implode and burst into flames. 

Congressman:  If I do check my morals at the door, what happens next?

Doorkeeper:  You’ll be subjected to human nature, to your own ambition and avarice.  You will be asked to support legislation that confiscates more money from the people, to increase regulations on businesses, to create government programs to enslave entire classes to make them dependent upon you and your party. Rest assured, the citizenry is stupid enough to vote for you again.  God forbid if you oppose any legislation your party wants to pass.

Congressman:  Why, what would happen to me?

Doorkeeper:  Well, everyone’s initial action is your party will vilify you.  But contrary to all logic and common sense, your party will attempt to buy your vote.  They’ll offer you “free” things to entice you.  They’ll say it’s for the good of the country and your constituents.  In return you mustn’t have any morals about supporting the legislation. 

Congressman:  I may be naïve by asking this, but can you give me a recent example of this type of behavior.

Doorkeeper:  Yes.  Do you recall when Senate majority leader Harry Reid needed 60 votes to end debate on health care legislation.  He was one vote short and the remaining Democrat was Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson.  Senator Nelson opposed the legislation due to government funded abortions.  Eventually, Harry Reid, Barbara Boxer, and Charles Schumer met privately with Nelson.  They worked out a deal to create an imaginary fence between those health insurance plans that covered abortions and those that did not.  In addition, they gave Senator Nelson a sweetheart deal.  They promised to make all the other states and people of those states to pay for all the Medicare costs for the state ofNebraska. 

Congressman:  What did Senator Nelson do?

Doorkeeper:  Senator Nelson did not have the testicular fortitude to stand up for his beliefs.  Nelson folded like a wet paper bag. 

Congressman:  What have I gotten myself into.  It sounds like a den of vipers!

Doorkeeper:  To call congressmen a den of vipers would be an insult to vipers.  In this institution it’s more like those species of animals that eat their young.  Nobody is safe in these halls unless you check your morals at the door.

Congressman:  That’s it.  Just check my morals at the door.  Has everyone that entered the hallowed halls of Congress checked there morals?

Doorkeeper:  Yes, but for one exception.  The only reason he didn’t check his morals at the door is because he never possessed any morals.

Congressman:  Who was that?

Doorkeeper:  None other than the biggest clown of them all, Senator Al Franken.  He fits right in under the Big Top known as Capital Hill.

Congressman:  I’m having second thoughts about this.

Doorkeeper:  Don’t sell yourself short.  Without morals it makes it much easier to navigate.  You don’t want morals to become an obstacle to your career or screwing over the American people.  Just check your morals at the door and you’ll fit right in.